Who Takes Care of You The Advisor????

Have You Ever Carried the Burden of a Grieving Client With You Beyond Your Meeting??? —-Well I Have!

Taking Care of You the Advisor

There is something that is often overlooked by us as the Advisor when we are lifting up a grieving client.  The thing that is often overlooked is making sure we have the proper resources in place to mitigate mimicking our clients’ grief by being so invested in their lives.  I have been fortunate to be a volunteer with hospice and have formal training in the area of setting therapeutic boundaries.   I also have life experience, which has forced me to set proper boundaries.

I would like to first define a Boundary (Therapeutic).  Boundaries allow us to take better care of ourselves-emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.   -Jennifertwardowski.com

There is also a very good book called Total Leadership by Stewart D. Friedman that details boundaries from a leadership work-life perspective. 

I think it is very important to recognize your space vs. your client’s space.  When we violate our space, we are in danger of voiding the benefit we can provide to our clients. 

Some examples of violating our space would be:

1.       Not understanding our own boundaries

2.       Spending so much time on a client’s grief that we are emotionally affected

3.       Not having a positive outlet to release our emotions, which are tied up in a client’s situation

4.       Not having a support team to help us through our emotions

5.       The inability to say to your client that you need to step away to refocus

6.       Carrying the grief of your client with you beyond the meeting/day/week

Here are some examples that may increase an Advisor’s chance of blurring their boundaries:

1.       Breakdown of personal relationship

2.       Drug and/or alcohol abuse

3.       Unresolved grief issues

4.       Mental illness

5.       Financial difficulties

6.       Professional isolation

Here are some consequences of poor boundaries:

1.       Unable to keep promises/commitments

2.       Increasing the burden of grief for yourself and your client

3.       Becoming a higher risk of ethical/legal ramifications

4.       Barrier to personal wellness and time management

5.       Inability to give objective advice

Here are some examples of maintaining healthy therapeutic boundaries:

1.       Practice self-awareness

2.       Have the ability to separate client needs from your own

3.       Obtain gratification from sources other than the clients you serve

4.       Attend to personal wellness needs and development of satisfying personal relationships

5.       Setting time limits with clients

6.       Exercise

7.       Spending time with friends/family

8.       Favorite hobby

9.       Spirituality

10.   Anything else that allows you to recharge in a positive manner

I don’t have all the answers and I do sometimes get affected by the grief of my clients.  My experience has taught me that as long as I am constantly maintaining my therapeutic boundaries, I will be able to continue providing the biggest benefit to my clients.